


THIS IS NOW A FEELINGS FEST.

by edmstuck (orphan_account)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Chatlogs, Crossing Timelines, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-09
Updated: 2012-04-09
Packaged: 2017-11-03 08:47:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/379506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/edmstuck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat and Dave take some time out of their busy day to teach Dirk and uu the intricacies of a human/troll relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	THIS IS NOW A FEELINGS FEST.

**Author's Note:**

> so this is really stupid and i wrote it all at 4AM on no sleep. but it was an idea i couldn't pass up. i'll probably rewrite it sometime soon.

\--- BETA [CG] opened memo on board THIS IS NOW A FEELINGS FEST. ---

BETA turntechGodhead [TG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

TG: wow no what are you doing

CG: BEING PRODUCTIVE.

TG: no stop

CG: NO.

CG: AND NO AGAIN, BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO SAY IT A SECOND TIME.

TG: you know me so well

CG: YEAH

CG: AND I STILL WONDER WHY I PUT UP WITH YOU.

TG: <3

ALPHA timaeusTestified [TT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

TG: brooooooooo

TT: What the fuck.

TG: ily bro

TG: this much

TG: 

TG: there would be like dashes or some shit there spanning the width of the memo but last time karkat used my keyboard he sort of broke the key for it

TG: so i cant

TG: instead lets have blank messages showing our love all up in this bitch

TT: Let's not. 

CG: HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

CG: DAVE, SHUT THE FUCK UP. I HAVE WORDS TO SAY.

TG: rude

TG: but arent we waiting for someone else

ALPHA undyingUmbrage [uu] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. 

uu: WHAT.

uu: IS THIS.

uu: SHIT.

TG: holy fuck karkat look its you

CG: EVERYBODY STOP FUCKING TYPING AND JUST READ THE WORDS I AM ABOUT TO PUT ONTO THE SCREEN.

CG: DAVE.

CG: I SEE YOU REACHING FOR THE KEYS.

CG: I'M SITTING RIGHT FUCKING NEXT TO YOU.

CG: STOP.

CG: OK. ANYWAY.

CG: AS YOU CAN SEE THIS MEMO IS A FEELINGS FEST.

CG: DAVE AND I HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS.

CG: NOW THANKS TO STUPID TIME STUFF, IT'S BEEN BROUGHT TO OUR ATTENTION

CG: NAMELY, DAVE'S

CG: THAT THERE'S TWO PEOPLE WHO NEED EVEN MORE HELP WITH THIS FUCKED UP RELATIONSHIT THAN WE DID. AND AS THE EXPERT ON EVERYTHING ROMANCE, I'M TAKING IT INTO MY WELL-SUITED HANDS.

CG: SO HERE WE ARE.

TG: damn karkat your fingers fly across those keys

CG: THEY'LL FLY SOMEWHERE ELSE IF YOU DON'T SHUT THE FUCK UP.

TT: Wait, my older bro's in a relationship with an alien?

TT: Holy fuck, how much did I miss?

TG: dude theres more than just your timeline technically im your younger bro in some weird reacharound way

TT: Damn. I knew the timeline part, but this is practically a family reunion.

uu: WAIT JuST A GODDAMN FuCKING SECOND.

TT: Here it comes.

uu: WHO THE HELL DO EITHER OF YOu FuCKWITS THINK YOu ARE. BARGING IN ON OuR MATTERS?

uu: RuDE AS FuCK. AND NOT TO MENTION KIND OF uNNEEDED!!!!

uu: I AM DOING JuST FuCKING FINE IN MY EFFORTS TO WOO STRIDER HERE INTO A CALIGINOuS RELATIONSHIP!

TT: Woo me what now?

CG: YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY *NOT* DOING FUCKING FINE IF HE DOESN'T EVEN REALIZE WHAT'S GOING ON.

CG: EVEN DAVE KNEW THAT I HAD MY EYE ON HIM.

CG: AND THEN I SKILLFULLY PUT HIM INTO MY QUADRANTS.

CG: EVERY QUADRANT.

CG: ALL THE QUADRANTS.

uu: WHO THE FuCK DIED AND MADE YOu KING OF EVERYTHING???

uu: YOu TYPE LIKE A FuCKTARD. BY THE WAY.

TG: ahahahahaha

TG: karkat completely froze and just stared at the screen this is great

TG: brb im making some popcorn 

TT: Hey. Earth to caps-lock assholes.

TT: I'm not following. I think one or either of you should take some of your precious time and explain further.

uu: HIGH AND FuCKING MIGHTY TROLLDOuCHE HERE THINKS. THAT I'M NOT ANY GOOD AT GETTING YOu TO FALL HEAD OVER HEELS FOR ME. 

uu: WHICH IS TOTAL BuLLSHIT.

uu: I WOuLD HAVE HAD THIS SHIT IN THE FuCKING BAG. IF SOME STuPID ASSFuCKS HADN'T OPENED A MEMO!!!

CG: THAT'S MR. STUPID ASSFUCK TO YOU, DOUCHEBAG.

TT: Aside from the weird mindfuck going on here, this is actually kind of hilarious.

uu: FuCK YOu.

TG: ok im back 

TG: did i miss anything good

CG: CAN EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME TYPE AGAIN.

uu: NO!

TT: Nah.

uu: DIRK. PREPARE YOuR PATHETIC HuMAN EARS. FOR THE ADMITTANCE OF YOuR SHITTY LIFETIME.

TT: Consider me totally prepped.

uu: I.

uu: HATE.

uu: YOu.

TT: Yep. I'm real impressed. 

TT: And by that, I mean not at all.

TT: Bro, that was shit.

TG: ooooooooooooooooooh sick burnnsd'lfk;sdjfkgs'gkjjjjjjj

CG: SORRY. I HAD TO PUSH HIM OFF OF HIS CHAIR.

CG: GO ON. 

uu: YOu ARE AN ABSOLuTE IDIOT.

uu: IF YOu LOOK IN A HuMAN DICTIONARY. NEXT TO WORD IDIOT. YOuR PICTuRE WOuLD BE THERE.

uu: IT MAKES MY HEAD HuRT JuST TALKING TO YOu SOMETIMES! AND OTHER TIMES I JuST. WANT TO FuCK YOuR SHIT uP. BECAuSE OF *HOW MuCH FuCKING HATE I HAVE FOR YOu!!!*

uu: I'M STILL PLANNING ON KILLING YOu, BY THE WAY. JuST IN CASE. THAT WAS A THING YOu THOuGHT WAS uNTRuE OR HAD STOPPED BEING TRuE. 

uu: AND THEN. EVEN MORE OTHER TIMES. I WONDER IF MAYBE THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE. BECAuSE. I DO CARE ABOuT YOu. SOMEHOW.

TT: How touching.

uu: BuT THEN YOu SAY SOMETHING WITHERINGLY STuPID AND I HATE YOu AGAIN.

TT: Oh.

uu: GOD DAMN IT. THAT WAS LONGER THAN I WAS TRYING TO MAKE IT. LOOK WHAT YOu SuCKED ME INTO!!

TT: I have a question, though.

uu: FuCKING SHOOT THEN. NOT LIKE I HAVEN'T SPILLED ALL OF MY GuTS OVER THIS MEMO ANYWAY. 

TT: How am I supposed to reply?

TT: I don't really hate you.

TT: Sure, you're hilarious as fuck to screw with.

TT: But hate's a strong word.

uu: FuuuuuuuCK!!!!!

TG: deja vu like whoa

CG: BEEN THERE, DONE THAT.

uu: BOTH OF YOu. SHuT uP.

TG: yeah go get your man 

uu: I'M GOING TO KILL EVERYTHING YOu LOVE.

CG: STEP OFF, ASSHOLE. 

CG: ALSO DAVE. I'M TAKING YOUR KEYBOARD AWAY.

TG: no stop fufcksdk;lnooo

CG: THERE. CONTINUE.

TT: I don't know how seriously I can take this when my brother and his apparent boyfriend are attempting to coach us in this.

TT: I mean, coach uu. Not me. Because there's no way I'm participating in this shitfest.

uu: NO!!! YOu JuST SAID YOu WERE BEING COACHED TOO. THAT MEANS YOu AT LEAST. SOMEWHAT WANT TO HAVE THIS CONVERSATION!

TT: I think you may be looking too far into it.

CG: I DON'T. 

CG: DAVE, SIT YOUR ASS BACK DOWN. GET OFF MY LAP. NO. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

CG: DAsdfk;lsd;ljfDAVE STOP SKJDL G ET OFF!!

CG: DAVE IM Going kl;sdsf to KILL YOU njos,hgh

CG: i have successfully pried karkats keyboard away from him

CG: and i have something important to say now

uu: uuuuGH. 

TT: Do share.

CG: vantas and i were basically in the same place you two were

CG: not surprisingly 

CG: he said something about hate i said it was fun to fuck with him

CG: granted it ended up being literal or at least what i said did

TT: Oh my god.

uu: GET THE FuCK ON WITH IT ALREADY.

CG: fine fine ok

CG: the point is

CG: we dont hate each other

CG: that was a lie karkat wants me to say because he said sometimes he hates me but he actually knows he loves me so

CG: basically

CG: just chill

CG: both of you 

CG: because this is like looking in a fucking mirror and its hilarious as shit but at the same time at least youre talking to the two people who can actually tell you how to get through the rough patches

CG: like now

TT: ...Well.

uu: THAT WAS. SuRPRISINGLY INTELLIGENT.

CG: thanks i know im p smart

CG: karkitty wants the keyboard now though so i bid you goodbye until he gives mine back

CG: DAVE, I HAVE NEVER PITIED YOU MORE THAN I AM CURRENTLY PITYING YOU RIGHT NOW.

CG: SO. ASSHOLE WITH THE DARK GRAY TEXT. YOU WANT TO EXPAND ON YOUR FEELINGS?

uu: FuCK.

uu: FINE. MAYBE. I DON'T HATE DIRK SO MuCH. AS MuCH AS I WISH I DID.

uu: AND MAYBE. THERE MIGHT BE SOME PITY MIXED IN.

uu: IT MIGHT BE A LOT. IT MIGHT NOT BE. I'M NOT TELLING YOu FuCKERS.

TT: What is love?

uu: OH MY GOD.

TT: Baby, don't hurt me.

uu: NO.

TT: Don't hurt me.

uu: STOP!!!

TT: No more.

uu: FuCK YOu. THIS IS ONE OF THE TIMES. THAT I REALLY FuCKING HATE YOu. AND IT DOESN'T COME ANYWHERE NEAR PITY. ♠

TG: whoa shits serious now he used an emoticon

TG: also karkat gave my keyboard back

CG: DAVE, I GIVE YOU FIVE SECONDS TO PUT THE KEYBOARD DOWN OR I'M TAKING YOU OUT MYSELF.

TG: what you think im not ok with that

TG: come at me bro

CG: YOU TWO CONTINUE. I NEED TO KICK SOMEONE'S ASS.

TG: im sooo scared 

TG: oh ok maybe i am a little bit ha karkat no dont bite jesus fuck ok im gonna go for a couple minutes brb

TT: ...Ok then.

uu: YEAH. WELL. ANYWAY.

uu: WHAT DO YOu THINK. NOT THAT I WANT YOu TO THINK ANYTHING OR WHAT THE FuCK EVER.

TT: I think that if they can have a healthy relationship, 

TT: Then why can't we?

TT: And their relationship does sound healthy.

TT: Or extremely violent.

uu: OR BOTH.

TT: Yeah. That too.

uu: WAIT. HOLD ON. DID YOu REALLY JuST SAY OK?? TO THIS??????? EVEN THOuGH. I HATE YOuR ENTIRE BEING AT THE MOMENT?

TT: Yeah, pretty much.

TT: Listen. I've talked to you every single day for the past what, few years? We've got something of a friendship going on. Or shit sort of like that.

TT: You're not as horrible as you try to make yourself out to be.

TT: And you're sure as hell not going to kill me if I'm in the yaois with you, right?

uu: OF FuCKING COuRSE NOT. THAT WOuLD BE COuNTER PRODuCTIVE!

TT: So. It's a win-win for every party.

TG: fuck yeah did someone say party

TG: sorry my lips were preoccupied with a certain troll what did i miss??

CG: HOW ARE YOU EVEN SITTING ON MY LAP AND KEEPING YOUR KEYBOARD PULLED ALL THE FUCKING WAY OVER HERE?

CG: I DIDN'T EVEN THINK THE WIRES STRETCHED THAT FAR.

TG: i work in mysterious ways karkles

CG: SIGH. THIS IS ME SIGHING.

CG: BUT I GUESS THIS CALLS FOR A CONGRATULATIONS. 

uu: I'D SAY THANKS. BuT YOu TWO ALMOST FuCKED IT uP EVEN WORSE FOR ME. SO NO THANKS TO YOu!!

TT: Actually, I'd say they were completely justified. 

TT: After all, they're technically sort of my parental figures in a way. 

TG: hear that karkitten we have a son

CG: NO. NO NO NO. NO. *FUCK NO.*

TG: i was kidding ahahaha wow talk about an overreaction

TG: yeah but good job to both of you

TG: dont kill each other

TG: no maiming

TG: i would probably find someone to make sure you dont happen to do either of these things

CG: AN AUSPISTICE.

TG: yes that

TT: Alright, that doesn't sound too difficult. 

TT: This is going to be entirely an online thing for a while longer, though.

TT: I'd have to build a transportalizer and send it over.

uu: umu

uu: THAT'S SORT OF DISAPPOINTING.

TG: its also how shit went down for us for a while

CG: ABSENCE MAKES THE BLOODPUSHER GROW FONDER.

TG: that was lame

CG: YOU'RE LAME.

TG: talk about an arrow through the heart 

TT: Ha.

TT: But, yeah. I'll keep in touch and tell you how things are going every so often.

uu: I WON'T.

uu: tumut

TT: Yes, you will. If I have any say in the matter.

uu: YOu DON'T!!

TT: I beg to differ.

uu: WE'LL SEE ABOuT THAT.

TG: k well you two lovebirds

TG: hatebirds??

TG: have fun

TG: im gonna go continue some mouth to mouth action over here with karcrab

CG: STOP WITH THE FUCKING NICKNAMES.

TG: whatever you say

TG: vantass

CG: FUCK YOU.

TG: no wait why are you walking away

TG: no come back

TG: fuck

\--- BETA [TG] closed memo on board THIS IS NOW A FEELINGS FEST. ---


End file.
